Entry 15 – March 1, 2019

Rediscovering Childhood Courage 

A few memories play back in my head a lot because they were significant. One year in the 90s,  I was given my first recorder for Christmas, a Walkman. I recorded improvisations of comedy skits that I performed with my brother. Later when I received my first personal computer, I started using Windows Movie Maker to edit together different things. When my cousins would come over, I’d improv and act out stories with the different Lego people and Lego Worlds I had built in a corner of my room. During middle school, I caught the writing bug after completing several writing exercises. We’d have to write short stories and contribute to a poem book.

Trying out poetry led me to want to explore songwriting, so I did. I then wanted to try out acting and screenwriting in high school, so I did. Everything I wanted to try and do, I would just do. At some point in my life, like so many of my peers, I had lost that. I had lost the courage to just experiment and explore my creativity without fear or concern. I would still do things, but it would be crippled with self-doubt. Creating use to be a freeing process instead of one in which I would have to suffer through to get to a point of contentment that would only be brief because then I’d think, what next?

I enjoyed the process of creating but it also was the cause of some of my grief, so I did less experimenting at the detriment of my own well-being. I really had to stop and realize that the thing I feared the most, is what I needed to confront, but I had to re-train my brain to operate from a place of childlike exuberance with imagination, curiosity, and wonder of trying new or challenging things.

When did we lose our childhood courage? Perhaps for me, it started to happen in my own home. My family wanted the best for me and still does, but the best to them means I would have to suffer less and be more financially stable; something that doesn’t always go with artistic autonomy. We all have inner creativity and imagination and that’s something that is usually pushed to the wayside because it doesn’t yield to having a stable career or even being fully self-reliant.

Going to a public school also dampened things for me too. I would start to listen to my peers and the feedback of teachers whose goal was not just to teach you arithmetic or what have you, but to also let you know how average or failing you were. Schools kill the child in us. They take away our willingness to just be and replace it with worry, insecurity, and the need to compete with people who aren’t us. Social media does that to a different level as we continually and wrongfully compare ourselves to people whose paths are different from our own.

So, having to navigate that, and re-learn being a child and what that meant, has been my present challenge this year. And it’s already beginning to show progress. Just trying or doing things, even if they don’t initially come out great is fine because I took the first step into conquering self-doubt.

 

 

 

 

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Entry 14 – February 21, 2019

Caring About the Right Things

As a teenager, I’d play games and take them very seriously. Getting really irritated if I’d lose or fail in a fictional medium. At one point I even slammed my controller down in frustration. Nowadays I play games, even competitive games, and I just play to have fun. I don’t care if I get first place, or if I die in the game. I can just start over and play again anyway. It’s not a big deal.

As I got older other things started to become more important, like what was going on in my real life and succeeding in that, but also had to start learning what to care about and what to not, winning at a game became less of a priority so I didn’t spend much time trying to get better at it because it plays no huge importance in my life.

Even with Twitch, my enjoyment of the game is the primary focus of my stream, followed by social interaction, and entertainment. I use Twitch as a medium to unwind and also entertain with some jokes; both things I care about and actually enjoy doing.

I can see why winning in a game can be important to some people especially if they build a career around it, but if that’s not your focus, and you get frustrated or tense during gaming frequently I have to ask, why are you getting angry because of a videogame? You’ve already put too much focus on something that shouldn’t matter as much to you as it does.

I stopped playing games like League of Legends and also tend to stay clear of Overwatch because these games tend to breed a community of toxic people who are mostly not even pros pretending to be pros who care too much about a hobby that they enjoy doing. They allow that to determine their happiness for the day. The great thing about some of these competitive games though is that I can choose to play with people who are as casual about the gaming experience as I am and use it only as an addition for an otherwise good day.

Bottom line is, you’re not going to win any brownie points if your main goal is to become a successful such-and-such and you’re bragging that your level 500 in some game. You’re already losing the game of life and choosing to use more time to level a fictional character than yourself. I’ve already made the conscious decision that gaming is not something I’m going to willingly care a lot about and that filmmaking,  growing myself, storytelling and nature are some of the things I really do care a lot about and choose to focus my time exerting energy in that. So what do you care about and are you allocating time in your day to focus on those things?

 

 

Entry 13 – February 4, 2019

Social Justice 

Social justice is  something I go back and forth with because, on one hand, I love when people stand up for their beliefs especially if they inline with my values, but on the other hand a lot of times it comes off as the person being pompous and condescending; deeming themselves morally superior while acting as though they are never at fault for their actions. That last part is especially unsettling with coupled with insulting behavior from the “morally superior” person when it’s aimed at someone who they deem “deserves it”. ProTip: No one ever actually deserves vitriol and people will take your points less seriously when you come at in an aggressive manner. There’s always a nicer way to say things; speaking from my own mistakes. You may be right, but that still doesn’t mean you need to be an asshole about it. You’re no better if you stoop to that level.

If you’re the kind of person that spends all day fighting the good fight on Twitter or what have you, I ask you not to stop that, but to at least ask this question, are you spending enough time looking at your own flaws and what you need to work on? We cannot control how other people think and their ideas for the most part, but we can control how we behave. Sometimes people’s opinions can change — sure but that happens on their own accord and it may take some time.

In the meantime, refocusing most of that energy into yourself, loving yourself, and being kind to yourself so that you can be kind to others, can be good because it can give you the wherewithal to deal with the constant mishaps of the day. And instead of worrying about what a public figure is doing or what some random person said on social media, you’re refocusing that energy on self-care. We can’t make the entire world better, we can only make ourselves better and hope that people are influenced by that.

Entry 12 – January 24, 2019

Adding Structure 

Lately, I’ve been working on structuring my life a bit more. Since we’re creatures of habit, I realized it’s good to have the habit of sticking to a set amount of patterns each week for sleeping, working out, and meditation. I’m also working on eating at certain times for that too; making sure that I allow a certain amount of time each week for these things that I deem are important to my well-being. Here’s a rundown of what I have so far, but will be eventually upping the workouts to 5 times a week.

  • 30 Minutes Cardio 3 times a week
  • 30 Minutes Strength and Endurance Training 3 times a week
  • Meditation for at least 15 Minutes in the morning
  • Sleeping 8 hours a day
  • Not eating after 8pm so I can fast for a set amount of hours

This is what kept me healthy before I moved and after I moved, I went back to old bad habits. Meal preps were also super helpful, but I found that I got super bored with doing that so I’m a little more liberal about my eating habits which means I know I need to have a much more disciplined workout schedule to counterbalance that.

Other things I am adding to the list to my daily to-do is:

  • Writing at least 30 minutes in the morning
  • Getting to bed sooner so I can wake up earlier so I can get the workouts and writing done before I head to work instead of scrambling to do it in the evening when I’m already kind of tired

So that’s on the agenda. I had been not holding myself to writing at certain times because you can’t turn on and off creative, unfortunately, and a lot of times it will come at inconvenient times, but I figured if I hold myself to writing for  at least 30 minutes  in the morning it’s short enough where I know I don’t HAVE to write something amazing in the short span of time, but I can get comfortable with using that muscle memory to do it every single day.

Entry 11 – January 22, 2019

Devaluing Perfectionism 

In my life, I’ve had quite a lot of people who have been super-controlling because they wanted the best for me or at least better for me, so I strived really hard to appease them and be the gold star perfect student and athlete that they wanted me to be, but at the detriment to my own well being. In truth, I really didn’t care about most of what I was learning in school, I didn’t care about Track & Field either, and knew that most of it I wouldn’t be taking with me into adulthood.

Eventually, I would try hard to rebel against a lot of it and decided to go against what people wanted me to do and do something for myself by taking a non-traditional route. But the control aspect seeped into other areas of my life. It got to the point where the very thing I feared the most (the control) was the very thing I ended up becoming. The same thing that gave me the ambition to succeed professionally and physically was actually keeping me from growing emotionally and mentally.

It lead to me never being fully content in school, or work, or even in interpersonal relationships. I had to get an A. I had to have a perfect boyfriend or the perfect film.  Moreover, I always had to be striving to obtain better than what I had and never fully living in the moment of accomplishments I did make. It made it hard for me to admit my own flaws, show my weaknesses, and being more accepting of the flaws in others. Differences turned in to irreconcilable differences.

At some point, it kept me from being happy with my work because I’d finish a project and never feel like it’s done. I know a lot of filmmakers and artists, in general, say this and I think we all especially struggle with the idea of perfectionism everytime we do something. For some people that can cause the crippling fear that catalyzes inactivity. And for others, the obsession with trying to make that masterpiece.

The need for perfectionism also impacted the way I handled working with other people. I wasn’t a team player, I was an “I will just do this myself because then I know it will get done the right way” player or a “do it this way” player. But I was ignoring the fact that there is never only one right way to do something and that in order to make something amazing, I need to rely on others. I also learned that sometimes means releasing control and not being afraid if it doesn’t come out exactly how I want it. It also made it so it seemed like I was constantly vying with other people to be better than them which was just unhealthy because the only person you should be competing with is yourself.

But there was light at the end of the tunnel and it came from hearing brutal honesty about my creative work and about myself as my art is an extension of me. The lesson was perfectionism is unobtainable. Moreover that no one is going to think everything you do is great, nor will you, and that it doesn’t make what you did any less meaningful. So I can work on things, crush goals, and then relish in them for a bit before worrying about the next goal.

Nowadays I know I don’t need to get an accolade for every accomplishment or tell people about my all of my accomplishments, or even accomplish something big every day in order to feel fulfilled. I can have an average day with minor day-to-day things checked off, and it can still feel great; allowing me to live more freely and more happily. AND more accepting of imperfections in myself and others as humans so that there is no expectation that I have to be a superhero because no one is.

With no expectation, no need to control what we cannot, and devalues the idea of perfectionism. We cannot control the outcome of any situation and it could all very well be gone at the drop of a hat. We can have an average day where nothing particularly extraordinary happens and it will still be a good day or even make a piece that only got 2 likes and it will still be a good day. I can be okay with just simply living and not dying today, and ignoring the thought of “it wasn’t perfect because I didn’t do xyz”.

Overall I come out not having all the answers to entirely curve the need for perfection or even a comprehensive understanding of it, but I know that is something that affects all of my peers and myself.  And I hope that the takeaway is that the idea of being better every day while commendable is unrealistic. We will all fail some days and that doing so doesn’t make you any less of a great person, it just makes you human. I will say this, the need to be better every single day, or feeling that you’re not good enough usually comes from a good place. It breeds the anxiety that we all hold in us and makes us want to try to hyper-obsess and over-achieve, but ultimately I do think it all correlates to wanting to have a meaningful existence and put a dent in a continually expanding universe and it’s that idea that I think often leads to some of the best in people.

 

Entry 10 -January 22, 2019

Social Media Silence

A few years ago I worked on Showtime Series called, Dark Net and one of the episodes was about cyberbullying. It featured two black women trying to devise a bot with a software developer that would auto-filter cyber trolls. The women in question had a large following on social media and were particularly focused on social justice, anti-racism, and anti-misogyny, which made them prime targets for harassment. There was even a point in the episode where one of the black female social influencers changed their profile picture to a Caucasian man for the day and posted a lot of similar content only to be met with mostly positive reinforcement whereas before, they were bombarded with harassment.

Why do I bring up this anecdote? Well, because recently on my Twitter timeline someone posed the question (and I’m going to paraphrase since I can’t find the exact Tweet) “Is it worth being socially conscious in the public eye as a black woman when you know it’s going to be met with harassment?”

It made me think. In the past, I had been extremely vocal about my values and beliefs when it came to racism and misogyny; especially while I had dealt with my fair share of it on the Twitch platform. I had made it a point to not only ward against it on my own Twitch channel but also on others’ channels and on my social media platforms. Then it happened, I got tired. I got tired of fighting a battle and seeing little to no result for it and on top of that getting harassed by mostly angry and misguided men.

I became disparaged and as such, became a lot less vocal about the injustices that I’d see or experience. Instead of pointing out and combating these things I figured, what’s the point? People who are like this will likely continue being like this regardless of the input I give. I spent a lot more time focusing on myself and being productive in my day to day life instead of debating with ignorant people on social media.

And impart, that was an important step for me to make to get to a place of bettering myself because I realized, the only way I am truly going to make the world better is by being better myself. Arguing on social media to me became regressive rather than progressive because a lot of my time went into doing this daily and it added negativity to my life. I came to the realization that none of this arguing was actually productively helping the community. I wasn’t out doing rallies on the regular or calling up congresspeople. Instead, I was just one of the many people who are part of the problem.

Then MLK day happened. While I was looking up some Martin Luther King Jr. inspirational quotes I came across one that struck a note. It said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” Then I thought about the countless amount of times I blocked or ignored people this year simply because I no longer wished to invest time in debating with misguided people so I mostly wouldn’t have to deal with the backlash of defending values that are important to me.

And I was like, wait a minute? That’s right. Why am I being silent? Fuck that. I’m tired of having to apologize for standing up to racism or standing up for equal rights. I’m tired of having to apologize for being confident in something that I know I am skilled at or having my own goals, or wanting to have creative autonomy over my projects, or not wanting to be an emotional mule for a lover or just some guy that thinks he’s entitled to my emotional availability.

I’m tired of having to apologize for wanting to work on my own projects and not the guys’ projects who want to exert their own ego and need for control over others rather than creatively collaborate. I’m tired of having to make myself lesser so that someone else who is insecure can feel better about themselves. I’m tired of having to apologize for not “appearing too black” for people who somehow can’t fathom thick hair.  And I’m especially tired of having to remain silent on social issues because some people are offended when someone speaks out against misogyny and racism; especially when it’s coming from someone in the social group that knows it best being on the receiving end of it every day.

So 2019 and after I’m living unapologetically. Unapologetically black, unapologetically woman, unapologetically outspoken, unapologetically creative and unapologetically free and I’m hoping others with good intentions and values will do or continue to do the same.

Entry 9 – January16 , 2019

Paying Dues

There’s a lot of articles about Millenials are ruining this and Millenials are the cause of that. A lot of it is an exaggeration or failing to see the larger picture of what is really causing a deficit, but I do think there is one thing that is very prevalent in my generation and that is the unwillingness to want to pay dues.

This stems from a lack of humility or perhaps an impatience. We were all taught at a very young age how important we are and how much of a “special snowflake” we are and this level of narcissism is definitely the case for my generation and especially for artists. I went to an art school with a variety of very gifted people, but when we graduated, we were all met with having to scramble to get a job to aid with the crippling collegiate debt.

This rat race became imperative, but with it, brought the notion that we shouldn’t be starting at entry-level positions. A lot of my peers were expecting to become Editors, Directors, 3D Modelers, or Graphic Artists right out of school and a small percentage of them did, but most of us had to start from the bottom and work our way up.

This was difficult for me because I was never taught how to be an Assistant Editor; which was a much more technical position than an Editor or Preditor (Editor/Producer). I was taught creative skills instead of practical ones that I needed to actually succeed and while I valued my time there, I knew that I’d have to learn most things on the job.  So applied to several entry-level positions to get my foot in the door and took several internships without pay before that. Worked as a Production Assistant to run drives back and forth from studio to studio, did a lot of other really menial tasks that I didn’t want to do it, but I knew I had to do it if I wanted to get ahead.

Unfortunately for a few of my other peers, they could never bring themselves to stoop to my level. They thought those jobs were beneath them so instead of working, they decided to defer their loans for as long as they could and not work or try out a career as a self-employed artist who was open for commissions, but I didn’t see this working out for many people; not because I don’t think it’s feasible, but because they neglected to put in the work to put themselves out there by doing favors for favors, networking, marketing, building clientele by taking smaller jobs and amassing a large portfolio of work.

Basically, they only wanted to do very little work that they were really invested in and that’s cool if you also want to be a starving artist in every sense of the word. They failed to see that you could actually do both; work on personal work that you’re invested in and taking the time to build those connections by working with others and for others. The last bit is actually what helped me grow the most. Humiliating myself to work on others’ projects and learning more and more about the process of editing, directing, producing, and cinematography, as I went along, was the most important takeaway for me.

Every good leader whether it’s a CCO, CEO, or Founder, will tell you that if you did the position of someone under you at some point, it will not only give you a greater appreciation for what they do but also a better understanding of it so you can implement the things they need to thrive. All of which only comes when you pay your (in the words of Samuel L. Jackson) motherfucking dues.

 

 

Entry 8 – January 9 , 2019

Setting Goals

In my previous entry, I mentioned purchasing a vision board and how it’s already proven to be exponentially helpful to me in staying on top of my goals, but I was curious how it was helping others. I looked up some people’s vision boards and noticed a trend of people putting just day-to-day tasks on it like “workout 5 times a day” or “post once a day on Instagram”. Now don’t get me wrong, if these day-to-day tasks are for a bigger picture, then that’s great. If it isn’t, then I fear people are too afraid to see further. 

In harking back on what I said in Entry 7, I think it’s important to speak it into existence. What I mean by that is write down the goals and share the goals; especially the most ambitious ones. If your goal is to be super ripped and buff, that should be the goal you’re putting on your vision board, not just workout this amount a day. The bigger picture is more important because the end result is what drives us to complete the task, not the task itself. I’m actually revising my own vision board for this reason. It’s good to have a reminder for workouts, but that’s what my calendar and phone alerts are for. The vision board is for milestones and stretch goals. 

In saying that, one of my primary goals is to operate from a place of pure self-reliance and that means I need to own a business, own a home and have enough money with zero debt so that I don’t owe anyone anything. Essentially, I want to operate from a “fuck you mentality” so that I’m not beholden to anything or anyone financially or creatively. This is on my vision board in big letters as a reminder that a lot of my lesser goals have to do with this. I also want to learn more; partly why I want to travel more, experience different cultures and explore different countries. I think it’s important to understand people and the world around you to know that we’re both very different and very similar to everyone. So those are my main goals, and I’m slowly but surely working out ways to get there. Until then…

Entry 7 – January 7, 2019

Being a Prosumer 

Happy New Year and a belated happy holidays! I hope you made some worthwhile purchases. The difference between being a consumer and prosumer is that the later you’re using your purchases to help better yourself, making your money work for you. In the former, you’re letting money work for the company and it has no real benefit aside from momentary satisfaction. Sometimes these purchases are also met with buyer’s remorse.

As many of you probably did around Christmastime, I bought a lot of things. Every year, I spend money on loved ones for gifts, but I decided to also make some purchases for myself as well thanks to a generous Amazon gift from my job. I took the Amazon gift card to purchase the following things in order to help benefit me for this year and the oncoming years:

  • A vision board
  • A 2019 Calendar
  • A bookshelf
  • Anti-fatigue mat

The vision board was actually an idea I got from reading an excerpt in a self-help book. It was actually an excerpt from Amazon for a book that I was going to purchase and instead, I decided that the vision board purchase would be more worthwhile. I’m a firm believer in the “speak it into existence” notion. Usually, my goals are in my head kept safe away from doubters and naysayers, but I thought you know what, fuck it. I’m going to let people know what I’m up to and they can either be with it or not. It also keeps me accountable. If I set this goal, I’m now my accountable to get it done because I have it in writing and put it up on my social media.

One thing I find very helpful about the vision board as well is that it helps me to align long-term goals with short-term goals. I’m able to clearly see why certain small goals are there and it also helps to extract the ones that aren’t. Seeing the vision board every time I walk into my room is a constant reminder of what I need to be doing and gives me more purpose and more determination.

It helps to know what type of learner you are. I can fall in between the three different types: visual, audial, and kinesthetic, but overall I’m a kinesthetic learner. I learn by writing things down or doing some other type of movement to remember things, so I find that digital calendar reminders don’t help me as much for certain things because I’ll forget to check them or look at the alert for them and then forget them. I have to write it down. That’s where the calendar comes in. I’ve been using a physical calendar for over seven years now and it’s been super helpful to keep me on track with appointments, tasks, rent, etc. Once I write it down, I usually don’t have to look at the calendar, but it helps to know it’s there in case I need to put it out of my mind in replace of something else to remember.

Before my cross-country move to California, I sold a lot of my furniture. In particular, big furniture that I knew wouldn’t travel well and that I knew I could sell at least for 50% of the price I bought it to have some extra cash in my pocket to fund the move. One of the things I sold was my bookshelf which also doubled as a storage cabinet. It was awesome and from Ikea, but I ended up selling it to a woman on Facebook Marketplace, who by the way unsuccessfully tried to waste my time (maybe that’s a story for next time). I ended up downsizing for this one because I had a lot more storage in the new desk I bought as well as more closet space. Overall I just knew that it wasn’t necessary to purchase a large bookshelf, so I purchased a very small one to store just my books.

Part of my organization is organized space. Out of sight, out of mind. I had large boxes full of books that were just sitting around taking up space and constant reminders to me that I need to declutter. One of my goals for this year is to read more and I knew some of the books sitting on my shelf would be constant reminders to me that I need to read or finish those books.

The last purchase I actually made recently without the gift card but realized I need it because my feet were hurting today. Recently my office decided to go with standing desks from Ikea (I really like Ikea). It gives me the option to both stand and sit in intervals which I monitor with a bootleg Fitbit (knock-off brand) I got from Amazon for super cheap. Hopefully, this will help to mitigate the pain in my ankles and absorb some of the shock so I can stand for longer periods of time. It’s said that you should be standing every 30 minutes after sitting at your computer desk. I’ll be looking into fatigue glasses as well since I spend large amounts of time staring at a computer screen per day.

So those are the purchases I made, what purchases have you made to make your life a bit better? And if you haven’t, what could you add to your wish-list of items that would help you with that? It doesn’t even have to be a large purchase. A few years ago for me, it was purchasing a kettlebell which has helped my at-home workouts tremendously over the past three years.

 

Entry 6 – December 27, 2018

Cancel Culture

There’s a story from eons ago that was written by Plato called The Apology. It tells the true story of his teacher and mentor who went on trial for speaking out and having an opinion that was shut down by people who thought they knew better than him. In the end, even though he brought up good arguments to what he believed, he was still executed. Similarly, Galileo believed the Earth to be a sphere that rotated and explained why there’s gravity due to the gravitational pull. His idea was scoffed, laughed at and then he too was also arrested and his ideas denounced. Back then most people believed the Earth was flat and some people still think that today despite having enough technological advancements to have discovered the edge by this point, but I digress.

Why am I bringing up those two stories and what do they have to do with today’s cancel culture? Ultimately, cancel culture and witch hunts have existed long before Twitter and Instagram, but nowadays because the easy access in to some many people’s thoughts, it’s become more saturated and more apparent that so many people operate from the need to be right and to feel superior rather than wanting to admit the simple truth, we don’t know everything.

Socrates was called the smartest person in Greece by the Gods, but when he pressed why he was named this, they simply said because he knew from his own mouth that the more he knows, the more he knows nothing. He was more enlightened because he had the self- actualization that the word is so infinite. The universe exists therefore we are just a small speck of it and have yet to even grasp even 5 percent of it, however to admit this would be to remove ego and to be fully aware that we are completely insignificant, and that last bit is very hard for many people to grasp.

We try hard to build legacies through family, through our art, through things we’re passionate about and invest a lot of time in. At the end of the day we will die and eventually anyone that knew us will also die. Most of our essence will be a fleeting memory and/or hearsay at most. We fight against this idea because it’s morbid so we try so hard to be kings and queens of our kingdoms. Or even prophets as some delusional rappers claim to be. We read about Gods like Hercules or Achilles and try to emulate them and are enamored with super heroes like Spider-Man and Batman. We’re so overly consumed with the idea that we can be more and most of us strive for it everyday. We want perfection, but we’re never going to get it. Yet as humans, we stil try to be, no HAVE to be better than other people.

Where did this need to be more significant come from? It all relates back to what we all have in common as human beings: needing to have a purpose and awareness of mortality. We have all or will all at some point have that existential crisis and ask ourselves why am I here and what should I do here with the time I have? And because time is of an essence, there’s an emergence to what we do and the need to excel becomes greater because if we don’t what are we leaving behind?

To backtrack a bit, I went to Utah recently to take photos and I was in awe with how massive the pillars were and seeing stars knowing there’s more out there than just Earth. It made me realize once again how small we are in the grand scheme of things. My photography friend I went with Bill Nash, was like, “Well yeah we’re insignificant. We’re like stars. A bunch of energy that eventually dims and fades.”

If you told younger me this I would’ve been lik,  “How dare you. I’m a special snowflake and so is everyone else. We’re special and significant.” This is what we’re taught since grade school. We’re awarded for every minimal thing we accomplish with gold stars and told that we’re so unique and individualistic. Not saying it’s a bad idea to have confidence and an identity, but it’s also a good idea to be taught actual humility, but in saying that I don’t think major successes in the would have happened without ego and arrogance. I don’t think humility and success can actually truly coexist because a part of accomplishing amazing feats means you need to believe that you’ll be able to do it and do it better than anyone else, otherwise why would you invest that much time?

So I fight between my intrinsic want to have a purpose and be the sun, the central nucleus if you will to the solar system, to humiliating myself to know I am nothing and I will know very little at best; something that’s true for everyone. I have a friend who uses the word “nobody” a lot to refer to people that he deems have not done enough in life to stand out or be significant. It bugs me because I’m always annoyed with people who don’t humiliate themselves enough to realize how insignificant they are as well.

And I’m not saying this to say you can’t make a difference or be impactful. Of course you can;  I’m just being fatalistic. Most people are able to leave a scratch or even a dent in the world, however we all have the opportunity to do so in many different ways even if it means influencing one person which in truth, everyone has probably done to some extent. When I say insignificant it’s to get us to a point to understand that we will never know everything or even a little about this world we live in. We haven’t even discovered most of the ocean on Earth let alone the galaxies and universe!  Which is why I don’t think many things in black and white anymore to revert back to my previous entry.

Whenever I go to a social outing for networking I’m always excited because I know there’s a chance I can speak with someone and learn something new. Every single person can teach us something and even though we may know more about X doesn’t mean we overall are more superior to the person or even know more than them and it also doesn’t mean we’re more significant or insigficant than them. Even if I don’t agree with them entirely I know there’s a chance through conversation they can teach me something about myself, about other people, or about a thing, but it’s important to open your mind to different perspectives ESPECIALLY if they differ from yours.

So you may be like, okay you spent a lot of paragraphs talking about insignificance and humility, where does the idea of cancel culture come in to play? I’ve been noticing lately on Twitter in particular that Chris Rock, Brother Nature, and various other people are coming under fire for things that were published 10 or so years ago. They say something foul and the witch hunt begins without fully grasping intent, context, period of time, or empathy to them as human beings who inevitably fail and make mistakes all the time. We latch on to it and go after them. We dehumanize them as “trash” or “garbage” and essentially write them off not as people we enjoyed, but objects that we discard. It’s so easy to toss stones and act like we too haven’t said dumb things or made mistakes. It’s so easy to forget that even in making mistakes we have learned and grown. It’s so easy to forget that though we are complex, we’re also humans because we try really hard to be more than that (again we want to be Gods).

We get on this moral superiority kick and we tell people how wrong they are on the internet and how right we are. Because we know more about this subject than they do right? We know more about the world than they do right? We’re better than them, smarter than them, and we have the right to dismiss them if we don’t agree with what they’re saying because some where along the way we decided that we WERE morally superior and this all goes back to why it’s so important for people to know how insignificant they are. I have seen countless amount of debates on FB, Twitter, YouTube and recently on Twitch where it’s two or more people thinking they have all the answers to everything and dismissing anything that goes against it. A perfect example of this was a debate I listened to parts of with Destiny and a few other equally combative streamers.

We think we can’t learn from other people even people who may not be entirely right in their thinking for certain things and that’s just silly to me. I will always think the dismissive person in an argument is the losing person, because they’re closed-minded and haven’t fully grasped the idea of their own ignorance and unwillingness to see a different point of view. More importantly most of what will be discussed has already been formulated and ingrained in their mind. Many people are immobile in mindset, but yet also capable of change. Yet that only comes with time and not that one debate you both have on your Facebook. You’re really just expounding energy in a meaningless things that’s generating more negative energy than positive energy in to the universe. And that’s why I don’t debate anymore on Twitter or FB. I don’t know everything. I won’t know everything. I just know that I’m trying to figure out what I can to be the best version of me and hopefully in doing so I can help another person do the same.

 

 

 

 

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